This post is long overdue! I REALLY have to get used to this new schedule. I go to the gym after work Monday, Wednesday & Thursday and I go to church on Tuesday & Friday… I get home every day of the week after 9:00 p.m. sometimes later. This is a sacrifice I am making because I have FINALLY decided that I am worth it and it is necessary for me to make adjustments to my schedule/life in order to get the results I so deeply desire. With that said thank you for your patience. I promise not to go this long without writing…I definitely haven’t fallen off the wagon; I am actually too busy carrying it!
For the first time in a long time I finally feel like I am in a place where I have wanted to be. I have enjoyed my workouts and actually feel like I can’t let more than 2 days pass without getting one in. Prior to this whole journey I could go months, even years without lifting anything but my fork so I would say this is pretty sweet! As I try to eat well and work out I have come to learn a few things about myself that I didn’t necessarily admit or understand. Here are a few:
#1.I don’t drink enough water. WHY? It is accessible and I TOTALLY work to raise money for people who need clean water and yet I don’t drink enough of it. I need to! I have an app that I use that is great and I just stopped. I vow to drink more water….YOU can hold me to it!
#2. When I don’t plan my meals I don’t eat as well. This one I actually have known. Not sure if you know this but I lost about 40 lbs. a couple of years ago (I gained it all back after an extremely stressful season in my life) and I learned this then….but it is still hard. Because my schedule is so crazy I really have to work at making meals ahead of time frequently and think about the meals for the week during my weekend. Something I have discovered that has helped is a wonderful new (to my neighborhood) grocery store called Mariano’s (shout out to Mariano’s!). At this grocery store they grill the meat and fish you purchase there free of charge!!!! They grill it for you in about 20 minutes and it’s easy to freeze (in individual servings) and grab for lunch or even a quick dinner. I totally recommend it! I am still growing and learning when it comes to this area. Some weeks are better than others; going to Mariano’s is definitely helping!
#3. I am an emotional eater. I confess it! THIS HAS BEEN KEY TO UNDERSTAND! I am learning and really trying to recognize what triggers my eating. I used to think that I wasn’t an emotional eater. I am pretty sure I was in denial. The past couple of months I have recognized that when something is too emotionally difficult or upsetting I want to eat; sometimes it’s something sweet and other times its one of every item in any given drive-thru (ok, that’s exaggerated). If I feel like crying it’s as if something in my brain says I should eat. If I am angry I want a canoli. If I can’t control my emotional state I want a hot dog. Isn’t it ironic that I would desire something that would then create an even greater whirlwind with my emotions as guilt and shame take over? Instead of praying about the situation I would try to soothe myself with a “treat.” Now, please don’t get me wrong, I was/am not a binge eater. I know there are some who struggle with that and I pray you are freed from it; I just want to clarify the extent of my emotional eating. I’m more along the lines of strong emotions led me to food, as opposed to strong emotions leading me to GOD! I recognized this one day when I was overwhelmed at home with something and I was walking to the fridge but I wasn’t hungry. It was almost as if something in my heart tugged and brain clicked and I got it, I didn’t realize I was looking to food to fulfill that emotion. For the next couple weeks I felt that same tug every time I opened the fridge to eat when I wasn’t hungry. Now when I get like that I ask myself why I want to eat, what triggered that thought and I know I have to say a little prayer so that God can be the one I run to. I am growing in this and can call it when I recognize it, but it has taken time.
#4. I am stronger than I think. As I continue to go to the gym and work out, I continue to do new things that I didn’t know I was capable of doing. When I was in my horribly lazy stage I would have been the one to say “Boxing? I can’t do that!” and I would have totally believed it. But now with the work-outs I have received from my trainer David and with the support of my darling husband Donny (who is now training with me) I am learning that I can do even more than I could have imagined. Last week I had a tough time because I was having trouble breathing, my chest was tightening and I became frustrated because in my mind “I was too fat to box and workout!” Why else would my breathing be so difficult? Well, this weekend I remembered I used to have an inhaler and thought that maybe, POSSIBLY it could help. Would you believe it did? David recognized the difference in my breathing and commented on how much more I am capable of doing because my breathing is controlled. You see, that whole week I was discouraged because I TRULY could not breathe but not because I was fat but because I just COULDN’T BREATHE! Isn’t it crazy how I automatically related my lack of ability to my weight? I believe that was God showing me the state of my heart, I didn’t believe in myself enough to think I could work out hard enough. Thank God HE is changing my mind and this whole losing weight thing is proving how strong I really am.
I am strong. I can lose weight. I have lost weight. I will continue to move forward.
I write this to encourage you. If you are at a place where you want to lose weight but have all the excuses in the world, learn what triggers you’re eating. Why do you eat when you do? Are you really hungry? Challenge yourself to get over your laziness. I can say this boldly because I have had to get over mine! Let me tell you deciding to lose weight and was truly the first step in making me stronger.
YOU are strong. YOU can lose weight. YOU will lose the weight. YOU can move past this.
Be encouraged today…We can do this…The best is yet to come!
Madelynn
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” John 8:32
