This last week has been a whirlwind!  I rushed my mother to the ER last week Tuesday at midnight with chest pains, back spasms and she felt like she was being shocked.  Having had a defibrillator ( a little box with wires that shocks her weak heart if it stops beating)  placed in her about 2 weeks ago these signs were scary and I needed to get her to the hospital.  By 7 am Wednesday morning I went from sitting in an ER room with just my mom and dad to a room full of nurses, doctors, registrants, and transporters ready to take her into emergency surgery; the wire to mom’s defibrillator went through her heart and there was bleeding between her heart and lungs that needed to come out stat!  I didn’t fully understand was happening until I saw the surgeons standing in their scrubs wearing their white hair nets waiting for her in the movie like corridor.  For the first time in my life there was a moment when I thought I could lose my mother and I was overwhelmed with fear!

Praise the Lord that week is over and my mother is doing well.  I am actually sitting in her room at the rehab place where she is staying; the Dr.’s want to feel comfortable with her walking up the stairs to her second floor apartment.  I am listening to her as she talks to the people on the television…typically some of you would be scared but that’s normal for my mother so life is good!!!  She has recovered well and is moving forward. We are not totally out of the clear though.  There are still things my mother will need help with, bad habits that need to stop and good ones that need to start.  Luckily my father is wonderful and will do whatever he can to make sure she is ok and has what she needs.  I still know that as their daughter there are things I have to do that will help make both their lives easier and I will do all I can!

Unfortunately, with all the chaos and stress of the last week I have not made my health a priority.  I confess, while in the hospital this ratchet cookie monster came out of me!  I think I ate cookies almost every day.  I was sad and soft baked chocolate chip cookies were the food of choice…it’s like those stinkin’ cookies wrapped their sweet chips around my heart and hugged me.  Tough week= soft cookies.

With my mother feeling better and able to voice her likes and dislikes I decided it was time to go back to work.  I also decided I had to get back onto my regular eating plan and then it happened!  A woman who is trying to get my organization to host an event with her at the DoubleTree Hotel visited me.  NOW, anyone who knows about the DoubleTree knows about their chocolate chip walnut cookies…it’s their staple.  My little sweet friend came to visit with a gift bag of a dozen of those cookies!!!  ONE DOZEN!!!  When I got the bag I quickly made my rounds to get rid of them…of course after I ate my cookie.  Right after Double Tree fiasco my colleague came in the office with Panera and guess what I went in for?  The cookie!  As I took the last bite, it was like a lightning bolt hit me.  I literally said “Oh My Gosh… I think I have had cookies every day!  I can’t stop!”  I was guilty as charged!  That’s when it all hit me, not only did I have cookies I wasn’t sticking to my plan!  When I was in the hospital I ate whatever was around.  Thankfully family and friends supported us with visits and lots of meals; they took really good care of us.  With their generosity being picky wasn’t an option and honestly some days I would forget to eat so receiving a meal when it wasn’t expected was so nice (totally not complaining…thank you to those of you who blessed my family with home cooked meals and even restaurant bought, I SO appreciate your thoughtfulness).

My problem today, one week later, is I haven’t gone back to my plan.  I haven’t had the time to stock up on what I am supposed to eat and planning meals is difficult.  I haven’t been able to get to the gym because I am downright tired and my ankle is still swollen from the sprain I got at Mudderella! But I know I have to get focused and back in the game!  I have always said I would be transparent with this journey and I have promised to share the good, the bad and yes, even the cookies!  I weighed in and I have gained 6 lbs, I know I am retaining water so that doesn’t help and I’ve never been one to lose weight when stressed!

Honestly, those pounds are not just the stress…. they are my fault.  I could definitely have been more careful with what I have consumed this past week but I wasn’t.  I didn’t make myself a priority and that is hard to do when your loved one becomes the only thing/person that consumes your thoughts.  HOWEVER, there is a way out!  I know there is.  Just like my earthly father is “wonderful and will do whatever he can to make sure she (my mother)  is ok and has what she needs,” my heavenly Father is more than wonderful and will do whatever HE can to make sure you and I have what we need and right now I need strength.  Strength to get up, dust myself off and start afresh and anew!!!!  I can continue feeling like this or I can do something about it!  First things first… If you are strong in your journey pray for those of us who aren’t.  And for those who are struggling join me in this prayer:

“Lord, thank you. Thank you because you go before us and know what we encounter even before it happens.  Thank you for giving me the strength to keep pressing forward!  Forgive me for not trusting in you and for looking to other things (food) to fill voids only you can.  God I give you this journey once again…would you help me accomplish my goal of being a healthy woman/wife/daughter and sister? Would you help me when I wake up tomorrow and give me a fresh start?  Would you help my brothers and sisters reading this who are also discouraged?  Bless their journey and let them know that right now we can start again.  Thank you for being a GREAT Father who knows what your children’s needs are!  In your name I pray Jesus! AMEN!”

Today I am committing to getting back on my meal plan. My goal is to work out starting this weekend.  My plan is to swim because my ankle is still not in good shape to do much else.  I am also committing to drinking at least 100 oz. of water a day.  I will be praying for you as I pray for my journey!  I am choosing to get myself back to where I need to be and hoping you are there or joining me!  Let’s not wait till we are so far away that we can’t see the finish line!  This week has been a little detour on this journey, detours aren’t what define the journey, they just make them a little longer.  It’s time to get back on the right road

See you later cookies…PEACE OUT!

Be encouraged today…We can do this…The best is yet to come!

Madelynn

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” John 8:32

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